Grandpa 1933-2011

 

I have been dreading this post, but came to the conclusion that I just need to write it because I want to capture the emotions and feelings surrounding this event.

Last weekend my loving, dear, wonderful Grandpa passed away in Sun City, AZ. Grandpa Norm had some health issues on and off for most of the latter part of his life, but things really started to digress last year when he was diagnosed with bladder cancer.  Since being diagnosed with the cancer, he had several rounds in the hospital and many surgeries. His biggest surgery was this June when the Dr.’s decided it would be best to take out his bladder completely.

Through out the past year, Grandpa had many hard times, but his resilience and stubbornness would always cause him to bounce back and become “Good ol’ Grandpa” again. The bladder surgery was especially hard on him though, and it was the first time I saw him outwardly show pure frustration and heartache over his health conditions. I was truly worried about his mental and physical state. My Grandma, being the incredibly strong woman she is, gave my Grandpa a swift kick to the booty though and expressed that he needed to fight to live and to live each day to its fullest.

In an effort to regain strength and to recover from his bladder removal, my Grandpa started working with a trainer at his local gym and doing pool work outs. He started with baby steps and after several weeks had worked his way up to walking several minutes on the treadmill at an incline as well as doing several weight training exercises.

The last time I saw my Grandpa will be one that I will cherish forever. I had created some “Baby Hale Prediction” cards (see previous post) and wanted to get together my west-side Phoenix family together for dinner so they could fill them out before I headed to CO. My Grandpa, Grandma, Uncle Jack, Aunt Alecia, Cousin Maureen, her husband Chris Dave and I all met up for dinner at the Cheesecake Factory.  We had a wonderful dinner and my family enjoyed filling out the cards. I had cheated a little bit and given the categories on the card to my Grandma the week before. She then told my Grandpa and he brainstormed his answers for a week. When I handed the card to him at the restaurant, he reached into his shirt pocket and took out a small sheet of paper that had all of his answers already on it. With his beautiful and precise handwriting he then transferred it onto the card and handed it back. That night my Grandpa ordered the Salmon, carrots and mashed potatoes which he shared with my Grandma. He had really been struggling with eating and his appetite, so it was wonderful to see him polish off that meal and even find some room for banana cheesecake.

After dinner we gathered at my Grandparents house and did what I love to do most with them….sit and talk. My Grandpa showed Dave his newly built and organized shop with all of his tools and gadgets. He was so proud to show Dave. We sat and talked about the cabin they bought our family. I showed them pictures and videos of the new driveway our family had put in at the cabin. My Grandpa was mesmerized and you could tell his heart was so full of emotion seeing his family enjoy and cherish their precious gift to us.

While at his house he made a comment that I will never forget. Someone had mentioned how many family photos they had displayed on a wall. My Grandpa quietly said under his breath, “Yes…many, many years of wonderful memories.” That comment hit me so hard because of the tone Grandpa had. It was if he was acknowledging the circle of life and stating that his time spent here on earth with his family was complete.

We continued to talk, laugh, and share more stories that night. When it was time to leave I gave my Grandpa a hug and he whispered in my ear, “I love you Angel.” just like he did every time. I wish I would have known it would have been the last time I felt his embrace or heard those words.

As we were walking out to our car, I saw his golf cart with his swimming noodles hooked on the back. I looked back up at Grandpa and made the joke, “Hey!….aren’t you worried about someone stealing your noodles?!” He laughed and replied, “Hell no!” We both had a good laugh then I told them I loved them and got in the car to go home.

I didn’t know it was going to be the last time I saw him conscious, but every thing about that night seemed so guided and planned by our Heavenly Father. He knew. Dave and I had no real reason for moving to Arizona. We knew we needed to get out of Maryland, and had friends and family in Arizona, and so it just kind of made sense. It was still a leap of faith though. I now know, with out a doubt, there was absolutely a reason for us moving to Arizona. It was so we could spend as much time as possible with my Grandpa before his passing. It was so I could look them in the eye and see their reaction when I told them I was pregnant. It was so we could go over there for “supper” at 5:30pm and then sit and talk until 10:00pm. It was so we could meet Grandpa for a round of Golf and lunch, which would ultimately be his last round of golf ever. It was so we could visit him in the hospital and squeeze his hand and express our love and support for him. It was so I could go to their new house and clean, paint and organize to help my Grandma while my Grandpa was in the hospital. It was so we could just be….near. We may not stay in Arizona forever, but the year that we will be here will mean so much to me and I don’t regret moving here at all.

Ok, so several weeks after we last saw Grandpa and Grandma at the Cheesecake Factory I got word that Grandpa was back in the hospital due to severe constipation. They tried many things, but ultimately had to resort to surgery. During surgery they found that part of his small intestine was completely blocked thus causing the constipation. They removed part of small intestine and hoped that would solve his pain and issues. On Friday, September 23rd, I got a call from my mom saying that Grandpa had taken a turn for the worse and things weren’t looking good. I had gotten many calls regarding my Grandpa’s health over the last year, but I knew there was something different this time. My mom informed me that all of my family from CO was driving down the next day.

I was so shaken and scared, but had no one to turn to. Dave had decided to go with his friend Ben on a huge hiking excursion in the Grand Canyon. He had left that Thursday and wasn’t expected back until Sunday and didn’t have cell phone service the entire time. I tried to keep myself together, but had many break downs where I cried and cried and cried. I would try to sleep but would wake up with incredibly vivid flashbacks of memories I had with Grandpa. It wasn’t Dave’s fault for leaving, it was just horrible timing. I needed him so bad, but I was mainly worried that Dave wouldn’t get back in time.

On Saturday morning my Grandma had to make an incredible hard decision. The Dr.’s presented her with two options. Put Grandpa through another surgery which would make it so he would be on a feeding tube the rest of his life and in a nursing home, or to put him in hospice with only oxygen and pain medication. My Grandma knew she didn’t want Grandpa to be in a nursing home, so she opted for the hospice. My family made it into Arizona late Saturday night and the plan was to meet at the hospice together on Sunday morning.

I woke up early Sunday morning and decided to drive over to Sun City, AZ with out Dave so I could meet my family. My Grandpa was located in an overflow hospice where he was one of only a few patients. My family were the only visitors there.  My Mom and Uncle Doug were waiting outside for me and took me into Grandpa’s room. I had extreme reservations about even physically seeing my Grandpa. I have never had anyone close to me die, and don’t have much experience with death at all. I didn’t know if I could physically or mentally handle seeing someone “on their death bed.” I didn’t want to remember him like that. Despite my reservations, I entered his room and saw the rest of my family gathered around him. My Grandpa was hooked up to oxygen but nothing else. His eyes were closed and he was breathing steadily. My family instructed me that it was ok to touch him and hold his hand. I reached down, my fingers shaking, and grasped his hand. I then took his hand and rubbed it on my belly. We then went into a family prayer lead by the hospice Chaplin. Then, my cousin Mo read a letter to Grandpa that she had written. We were all so emotional and heart broken. Tears were flowing and hugs were bountiful.

The nurses explained that they didn’t really have a timeline for us. His body was starting to cool down which was a sign that things were shutting down, but his breathing remained unlabored. We knew the end was close, we just had no idea when it would come. At first I was dreading the upcoming day, but little did I realize how wonderful it was going to be.

Once we all realized it may take a few hours for Grandpa to pass, the atmosphere relaxed a bit and we began turning to each other for comfort and support. We started telling stories and reminiscing about Grandpa. The hospice had a small kitchen/eating area, and patio for us to use. A few family members went and got breakfast for everyone. We each took turns sitting and talking with Grandpa by ourselves which was extremely therapeutic. It allowed for each person, in their own way, to say goodbye to Grandpa. So powerful.

As the day went on, we continued to be the only ones at the hospice and basically took the place over. My Grandma remained by my Grandpa’s side, holding his hand for much of the day. We would all take turns going in the room sitting with her. Our conversations varied, but inevitably we would always end talking about how wonderful Grandpa was, or a funny story that involved Grandpa. At first I was dreading the possibility of Grandpa’s passing taking hours, but I soon realized he held on for a reason. Sitting together as a family for over 16 hours crying, laughing, and telling stories about a man we all loved so much was one of the most moving and powerful things I have ever been apart of.

Through out the day, we kept telling Grandpa to hold on because two very important people still needed to say goodbye. My cousin Jake, Grandpa’s oldest Grandchild was flying in from Pennsylvania at 6pm. Also, I had finally gotten a hold of Dave on Sunday morning and caught him up to speed on everything that had happened. He was devastated at the timing of everything but vowed to hurry and get to Grandpa and I. His original plan was to go all the way to Queen Creek and shower and get his truck then back over to Sun City. We eventually decided that time was of the essence and no matter how gross or disgusting he was that he needed to have Ben drive him straight to Sun City. Jake and Dave arrived within 5 minutes of each other. They each took their time with Grandpa. It felt so good to have Dave embrace and support me. I needed him so bad that weekend and was so thankful he was able to make it.

Later in the night, the nurse again reported to us that his body continued to get colder, but that his breathing was still unlabored and steady. Again…no telling when. We all started to get hungry, and we decided to have pizza delivered to the hospice. Sounds pretty weird to have a pizza party at the hospice, but like I said, we had been there so long and basically made ourselves at home, so it made complete sense. It also allowed us to remain together. United as a family, right by Grandpa’s side. After dinner, we crammed close to 15 people in Grandpa’s relatively small room and continued just to talk and reminisce.

After seeing Grandpa in his condition, I had come to terms that he needed to enter peace and was actually welcoming his final breath. The moments that were really hard for me were seeing my Grandma look lovingly into his eyes and tell him, “Norm, it’s ok to go. Your family is all here. We love you.” Even though she is an incredibly strong woman, and had hinted that she had been preparing for this moment for awhile, there were times when she just couldn’t hide her sadness in losing her partner of 66 years. They were a wonderful couple and were a great example to Dave and I.

As the night wore on, it was clear Grandpa was being stubborn and just wouldn’t let go. At about midnight, my Grandma had ordered Dave to take me home to get some rest. I really didn’t want to go, but was deliriously tired, as was Dave. I wasn’t sure if Grandpa would make it through the night. He had surprised us by holding on this long, so who knew, maybe we would wake up and could make another trip out to the hospice the next day. On our drive home, I had so many emotions. So much to process and be thankful for. When we got home at 1am, Dave showed me his feet. They were so beat up from hiking over 20 miles in the Grand Canyon. He looked like he had some infection and was about to lose several toe nails. Exhausted as I was I ran to Wal-Mart to get iodine and hydrogen peroxide so he could soak his feet. By the time he soaked his feet, and we got into bed it was 1:45am. I had just laid down my head when I got a call from my sister saying that Grandpa had taken his last breath and finally passed. He passed at 1:47am.

I was hysterical, and felt so much guilt for not being there. I realized Grandpa was just waiting for his Granddaughter and almost Great-Grandson to get home safely in bed. Up until his last breath, he was looking after his family. He will be remembered for a lot of things, but none more important then his undying love for his family.

The next morning my Mom and Grandma went to the mortuary and made the cremation arrangements. We then met as a family to go over the details of the service. My Grandpa’s wishes were to have half of his ashes in an urn at a cemetery in Colorado Springs, CO facing Pikes Peak. The other half will be spread by the family in Grand Lake, CO in the summer of 2012.

During the discussion about the memorial service, it was brought up that we didn’t really have anyone to conduct the service. Privately, Dave talked with my Grandma and offered to do it. She mentioned in the back of her mind she was already thinking about him. My Grandma presented it to the family and they all accepted and were excited about it.

The memorial service will be October 14th in Colorado Springs, CO. It will be a celebration of life….just like he would have wanted it.

I loved my Grandpa so much and he meant the world to me. He taught me so much. He was a wonderful man that left a huge mark on all of us. I am thankful he passed away peacefully with his family by his side. He will always be remembered. After seeing him struggle so much with his health and body, I am so happy to know that he is in heaven and finally in peace in comfort.

Grandpa with all of his Grandkids and one Great-Granddaughter

Grandpa with his kids